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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

GLASTO

Hey, our biggest fan and Liberian human rights abuser Andy Capper wrote something about our Glasto show for his mag Bizzare. It didn't end up getting printed, but here it is:


My name is Little Andy and this year I won an internet myspace competition to rock out with my favourite pop punk band in the world Fucked Up!

I was whisked to a secret location near an airport where I met the singer, Mike Haliechuk at his awesome tourbus

The guys in Fucked Up are like totally chilled out guys. They have a crazy onstage presence and all that and their lyrics are about riots and shit but the guitarist Sandy Miranda and bass player Ben Cook like nothing better than hanging out in the tourbus listening to romantic folk music while the singer Mike thinks up of awesome new riffs.

Being backstage with the guys is also totally awesome. They play Dead Kennedys on Guitar Hero while waiting to go on stage after the band Rolo Tomassi who make absolutely CRAZY music that sounds like nothing I have ever heard before.

Wanna take the word "CRAZY" into a canon and fire it into space? Here goes...Rolo Tomassi's singer is a girl!!!

And she has her own fashion label called... wait for it......"DOUCHE BAG!" Man i laughed so hard with all the guys backstage while drinking free whiskey and getting really drunk while everybody else was sober. This is the Rolo Tomassi's girl's stuff, it's like hair bands for girls. Totally weird. Totally wild!

Damian is the guitarist and leader of the band and right now he's about to get totally wasted on a drink named after a racist oi band from Boston!...
Only joking!! Dame "The Abraham Man" is TOTALLY STRAIGHT EDGE and would never drink booze. (I drank that whole bottle and was secretly doing cocaine the whole night).

I only watched a little bit of Fucked Up's set because I was outside talking to some awesome babes who also hang out backstage at punk shows but this was the end bit when Damian does a guitar solo and hugs all the little boys. Kinda weird. I was wasted by this point.

And then we drove 16 fucking hours to Glastonbury in this bus. There is an awesome creative tension between Mike and Damian and they are always fooling around about how much they hate each other when they actually love each other. This is what happened when I asked them to pose for a photo together! Great joke guys!

Then all the guys in the band played a joke on the bassist Ben Cook (he used to be in a "NYHC" style band called Linkin Park), by buying him wellies that are totally made for chicks! The joke's on you "cookster!" (That's his nickname)

Hey Sandy what's wrong?? You better turn that "frown upside down" cos today's the first day of summer and you're due on stage at any minute!

I totally watched the guys from the side of the stage and it rocked my ass off. It was then I realised I had totally mixed up all their different roles in the band and that Jonah was in fact the singer and not Mike.

I didn't see all of the set because I was doing drugs in the toilets but this is the singer, Jonah (sorry Jonah), warming up his vocal chords at the side of thestage. That T-shirt is a reference to how awesomely pumped he is about singing punk songs.

After the set we smoked Montechristo cigars and doused ourselves in Aquad Di Parma like yuppies. Then we walked and sneered at all the people who were't in punk bands.

Get the joke much? Cos there's only one girl in Fucked Up (keyboardist Sandy Miranda), it tends to be a big of a "sausage fest" (not that I'm complaining!). Just after this photo I said to the Jewish percussionist Josh Zucker that Glastonbury "reminded me of a concentration camp".

He gave me back an icy glare and told me that my comment belittled the 8 million victims of Nazi torture in World War 2 and everything went rapidly down hill from there.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A+

9:43 AM  
Blogger Todd said...

Is this "post modernism?" I'm trying to write a report for school. Thanks.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Sleepy Head said...

its good to know you have fans who GET the music

1:40 PM  
Blogger Spencer said...

This was amazing

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Kirk said...

hahaha,GENIUS!

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is it possible to have more pictures of keyboardist Sandy in a raincoat???

10:13 PM  
Blogger Young said...

Funny.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Secretarmy.Secretpolice said...

Wait, he didn't write anything about the new Sitar player, Dave Mustaine.

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is the best thing I've read on this blog in a long time.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Brad Reamer said...

this post is awesome, but is Damian really straight edge?

3:37 AM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still laugh my head off when Josh Zucker the poseur claims he was a "street kid". His rich daddy was paying his rent in Parkdale and he was boasting his welfare payments were his party money. This arrogant wannabe communist fool is such a bullshitter and never had to worry about a hungry day in his life!

8:40 PM  
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His wealthy father was spending his lease in Parkdale and he was offering his well being expenses were his celebration cash. This conceited hopeful communist deceive is such a bullshitter and never had to fear about a starving day in his life!
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3:32 AM  

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