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Thursday, February 11, 2010

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Stockton, California arrived from google.com on "Looking For Gold: February 2009" by searching for im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out.

THATS NOT HOW YOU USE GOOGLE. IT'S NOT A PERSON YOU IDIOT.

AND THEN THIS NEXT GUY TRIED THE SAME SEARCH LIKE 20 MINUTE LATER, I GUESS TO SEE IF IT ACTUALLY WORKS AND TO SEE IF I'D PUT HIM ON THIS POST?

Canberra, Australian Capital Territory arrived from google.com on "Looking For Gold" by searching for im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out.

THIS GUY TOO:
East Elmhurst, New York arrived from google.com on "Looking For Gold" by searching for im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out.

NICE TRY DUDES. Why don't you just try to make "im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out" a trending topic over on twitter and really blow the lid off this whole feedjit tracker business? It'll be this secret long-form coded buzzword that refers to some hipster music topic (but won't have anything to do with really weird french techno at all), so when you start seeing people post RT @im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out, not only will it be hilarious, because you and I will know that the meaning of that phrase will be totally lost on the person who posted it, because it's not about looking for really weird french techno songs that just came out at all, and also because such a long and literal sentence is so devoid of any kind of web-know-how, as if the person posting the tweet thought somehow that they were actually tweeting directly to another person in real time, whereby the purpose of their post (and now our meme) was to in fact put such a literal question out into the web-ether, with the real expectation that phrasing their simple question in such an honest and clueless way, utterly out of context, and almost heartbreaking in it's simple yet comprehensive error, like two long lost siblings talking to each other across a table at a cafe, not clueing in to that very potent and elusive fact, simply because they weren't asking the right questions, or asking them in the right way, or one of them spoke Algerian or something, all the while so tantalizingly close to the truth, yet so inevitably, irrevocably far away, or like what probably literally happened in this particular case, that some poor lonely soul in Stocktown California for whatever reason was awake at close to midnight, probably so alone that any number of these potential hypotheses could hold water: they were looking for that perfect minor-keyed french-touch house song, upbeat enough to keep them awake to search for more lonely stuff on the internet, but sad sounding enough, in that classic french house way ("Lady [Hear me Tonight] by Modjo comes immediately to mind, a perfect example of the happy/sad longing sounding upbeat music that made french house music what it was), to kind of perfectly encapsulate how they were feeling: that this person searching was in fact someones parents, and heroically ventured into a medium they clearly know nothing about or how to use properly, in order to connect somehow with a wayward child, who's principle interest may have consisted of in some capacity really weird french techno, they comically yet painfully attempted the search we're investigating right now; that the person conducting this search was just drunk/high/dumb/from another country/has a rare psychological disease that renders them without the requisite understanding of tense needed to navigate through a search tool that is not a librarian or a telephone; that in fact this person was in fact a highly literate user of the internet, but thought somehow they were using a voice-search device that probably most of us don't even understand, except that they forgot to turn it on before making this search; and so on and so forth, but because passing off that kind of obtuse phrase as any kind of meme at all is just such a ridiculous notion. Also because it's probably long enough to crash the entire Twitter server.

Of course, it could be just that I'm the n00b and that "im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out" already is a meme, which accounts for the three seperate searchings for it on google within the same 20 minutes of me monitoring the searches, and that it's so advanced and burrowed into the cool hidden parts of the internet that most people don't even know about, and by the time I wake up tommorow "im lookin for this really weird french techno song that just came out" is already going to be the name of a Nike sneaker, and "im looking for this really weird french techno songg that justt came outt" will be the name of this amazing band from Williamsburg, who are way better than "im lookin for this really weird Belgian techno song that just came out" because it was cool when there was just one band with that style of name, but after everyone sort of started using the "im lookin for this really weird rench techno song that just came out" aesthetic template, it just kind of became played and not cool anymore, and that with this entire post I've just made a huge fool out of myself in more ways than one.

MORE:
Bountiful, Utah arrived from google.com on "Looking For Gold" by searching for cool looking websites.
-THIS IS NOT HOW TO SEARCH THE INTERNET. What kind of websites do you think are gonna pop up, that index themselves as "COOL LOOKING WEBSITE"? Well, lets find out:
This one, about some idiot named Chris
Time Magazines 2005 list of "50 Cool Websites"
Looking for a New, Cool website? Try create a snowflake!
And probably a bunch of other geocities era gems. Ever heard of GOOGLE BUZZ, n00b?

LOOKING FOR GOLD: NAMED ONE OF TIME MAGAZINES TOP 50 META BLOGS OF 2006.

35 Comments:

Blogger Corey said...

they should have tried ask jeeves

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Oddly enough I played a Hotel Costes cd last night backwards and one track sounded a bit like the first 10 seconds of Crooked Head, but sort of muffled as if the drums were being played with a blanket.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Timofei said...

Fuck the French. Here, check out some next level shit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q77YBmtd2Rw

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the product of way too much free time?

2:24 PM  
Anonymous dan said...

mike, you really need to get out of the house mate....

4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is my favorite thing to read

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

woah woah! chill out little bit!

3:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Mount Holly, New Jersey arrived from google.com on "Looking For Gold: September 2007" by searching for what is the movie with a gold thief lesbian."

3:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are nuts

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when is the 7" for that band youre hyping coming out?

7:39 PM  
Blogger austin said...

meta

10:00 PM  
Blogger austin said...

eek, it's already made it to the underworld, I dreamed last night that I answered someones french inquiry.

11:05 AM  
Anonymous necklaces for men said...

Ok, I am sure this makes sense in some one's mind, and everyone has to waste time somehow.

When I see stats for my websites it amazes what people are looking for.

Everyone expresses a simple three word question different

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thnx 4 #7

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Anonymous internet web hosting said...

This one of the funniest situation i have heard from internet newbies!

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Anonymous trace call said...

Haha. goooooaaaaallll!!!! this is super cool.

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Hey cool post..interesting for reading.

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Anonymous theBernd said...

The only french techno song I like is Black Strobes cover of I'm a man (Rock n Rolla soundtrack)

8:37 AM  

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