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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

XMAS part 2

Hey remember a few years ago when I made a post about how I wanted someone to make FU jewelry? Well apparently Rachel Roy does:



Ben was out at Sears holiday shopping for his missus or his mum and saw these hanging there on the shelf. Sure, they flipped them backwards to look different, but the images is pretty familiar if I say so myself.

I had LITERALLY just finished reading a school paper written by scholar Evan Blanco of Chicago about how our logo connotes meaning through temporal relationships to various historical art movements and political ideologies when Ben sent me these earings, a tribute to Evans paper (hope u get an A bro) because obviously now all we care about as a band is fancy restaurants and mid-priced gold plated copper ear dangles.

Rachel Ray if you are out there, please send us a box so our fans and moms can look suburban-hip for the holiday season.

ALSO the blog comments are hilarious please keep being as crazy and pugnacious as possible.

27 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Rachel Ray made Fucked Up earrings with camels, I'd be on that so fast.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Tender Branson said...

Does she make navel versions too?

6:12 PM  
Blogger Martin said...

I want to read that essay

9:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

would those work on nipples?

12:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

more like fucked up foolery.
nah but seriously i would wear them if i was homosexual/fashionable male on the edge

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

in all seriousness those are butt ugly but would look amazing on a slut

3:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Evan Blanco of Chicago may well go on about how your logo connotes meaning through temporal relationships to various historical art movements and political ideologies... Obviously the only reason he is doing this is to write 'fucked up' in a school paper, the delinquent little bastard.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Evan Blanco? Is that the green beast character from Brazil in the Street Fighter 2 arcade game?

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right on the Monet ...

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DEAR DIARY:
today I woke up at 3:25pm got dressed and made some tacos. I ate two tacos and saved the other four for work. When I got to work I saw that someone had busted open a thing of 'perrier' fizzy bullshit water. I had never tried this kind of fizzy bullshit water before so figured I would try a bottle. I didn't enjoy it. WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK I then stepped into the break room and watched some Fantastic Four on the telly (I threw that word in to confuse you; clearly my accent tells you that I must be american) and decided to eat my tacos early. "These are pretty good, but would be better with cilantro." I thought. Still, they were pretty good. WORKWORKWORKWORKWOR I then stepped into the break room and nothing really happened this time. I had eaten my lunch already and someone was watching Americas Funniest Home Bullshit on tv, er I mean the TELLY, you fuckin fuck. On America's Funniest Home Bullshit they featured some guy fall off his bike while riding into an empty pool and everyone in the break dancing room laughed. Laughter. Laughed. Laughter. Everyone glowed with an inner radiance for a few brief moments. "That's not funny," I coldly thought to myself in stark isolation and hatred. "I wish Thundercats was on." WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK I took my last break and do you think there was cake for baby Jesus' upcoming birthday?;
NO THERE WAS NO DAMN CAKE
WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK I left at 1:15 am and began the short trek home. I looked at my phone and saw that I had a text message and a voice message. "How strange that someone should call when everyone knows I'm at work" I thought. I checked my voicemail and heard my friend all tripped out and philosophizing and meandering on about bullshit. I thought I might as well call him back because him and his girlfriend would have cold beer, and what the hell he called me maybe it was important. I certainly couldn't tell from his weird assed message. I called him and the first bits of dialogue went kind of like the message, which was weird and I thought of that Led Zeppelin song like I always do whenever this happens between me and another person and believe me I do think of that song quite alot as a result of this. Once clarity was established between cell phone reception and my addled friend I was told that there was a lunar eclipse happening, RIGHT THEN. Since I was walking home then anyway I took a moment to bask in the dark moons icy cold dark hatred darkness has fallen on my state of mind of hate (sorry).
It was pretty cool and I had never seen a lunar eclipse before. Eventually I made it over to my friends place and he was watching that Quentin Tarantino movie where Christian Slater is completely belligerantly insane and he has those hallucinations that Elvis Presley is talking to him.
He also really likes kung fu movies and he is watching "the Street Fighter" starring Sonny Chiba. I have that movie……

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DEAR DIARY:
today I woke up at 3:25pm got dressed and made some tacos. I ate two tacos and saved the other four for work. When I got to work I saw that someone had busted open a thing of 'perrier' fizzy bullshit water. I had never tried this kind of fizzy bullshit water before so figured I would try a bottle. I didn't enjoy it. WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK I then stepped into the break room and watched some Fantastic Four on the telly (I threw that word in to confuse you; clearly my accent tells you that I must be american) and decided to eat my tacos early. "These are pretty good, but would be better with cilantro." I thought. Still, they were pretty good. WORKWORKWORKWORKWOR I then stepped into the break room and nothing really happened this time. I had eaten my lunch already and someone was watching Americas Funniest Home Bullshit on tv, er I mean the TELLY, you fuckin fuck. On America's Funniest Home Bullshit they featured some guy fall off his bike while riding into an empty pool and everyone in the break dancing room laughed. Laughter. Laughed. Laughter. Everyone glowed with an inner radiance for a few brief moments. "That's not funny," I coldly thought to myself in stark isolation and hatred. "I wish Thundercats was on." WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK I took my last break and do you think there was cake for baby Jesus' upcoming birthday?;
NO THERE WAS NO DAMN CAKE
WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK I left at 1:15 am and began the short trek home. I looked at my phone and saw that I had a text message and a voice message.

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"How strange that someone should call when everyone knows I'm at work" I thought. I checked my voicemail and heard my friend all tripped out and philosophizing and meandering on about bullshit. I thought I might as well call him back because him and his girlfriend would have cold beer, and what the hell he called me maybe it was important. I certainly couldn't tell from his weird assed message. I called him and the first bits of dialogue went kind of like the message, which was weird and I thought of that Led Zeppelin song like I always do whenever this happens between me and another person and believe me I do think of that song quite alot as a result of this. Once clarity was established between cell phone reception and my addled friend I was told that there was a lunar eclipse happening, RIGHT THEN. Since I was walking home then anyway I took a moment to bask in the dark moons icy cold dark hatred darkness has fallen on my state of mind of hate (sorry).
It was pretty cool and I had never seen a lunar eclipse before. Eventually I made it over to my friends place and he was watching that Quentin Tarantino movie where Christian Slater is completely belligerantly insane and he has those hallucinations that Elvis Presley is talking to him.
He also really likes kung fu movies and he is watching "the Street Fighter" starring Sonny Chiba. I have that movie……

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA I do it to drive you all insane

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

….…..In fact, I used to have two copies because there was a second one with "Sister Streetfighter" and "the Streetfighters Revenge" also on it but that one didn't play. The one I have that plays is also a multi feature though and has Kung Fu - Punch Of Death starring Meng Fe as well as a "Bruceploitation" movie Bruce Lee…The Man, The Myth with the Korean actor lookalike Bruce Li filling in the gaps. Don't hate on Bruce Li though because both Revenge Of The Patriots and Shaolin Fist Of Fury are both pretty good. Eventually after practicing pathetically angrily strumming full barre chords I retired to the computer and eventually found myself here. I wanted to mention to the other Anonymous that the Blanco comment wasn't really all that funny. Like seriously. You could surmise from this blog that that Evan Blanco is some kid from Chicago. I guess I don't know what funny is or where it comes from. But that's not why I came here. I don't come here to these places to be an asshole.
But it got me to thinking because I was reading some comments on the other most recent post, and it's basically people ranting and hating on each other for the dumbest things. And people hating on the band too.
It's like, LET'S ALL SPEAK A CERTAIN WAY AND BEHAVE A CERTAIN WAY IT IS THE WAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY WAY PERHAPS YOU ARE FROM SOME PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ARE PERCEPTIBLY LESS INTELLIGENT (according to the people in my country) THAN PEOPLE IN MY COUNTRY BECAUSE THINGS ARE DIFFERENT THERE.
I thought about it for a second or two and then thought, nahhh people are just assholes.

7:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Either you're Belgian, or you're taking drugs at work.

Someone should ban stoned people and foreigners from commenting on here.

11:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas by the way and thanks for the amusing ramble. No doubt someone will be along soon to call you a cunt or something.

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes and ban those colored people as well ...

1:31 PM  
Anonymous what said...

worst way to end that story, ever

3:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once spent all my money on drugs and ate waffles for a full month solid. It was a pretty Belgian thing to do.

5:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hamburger deli relish. Never was my speed so I threw my clothes on in the most slapdash manner and headed out to my local grocery store to pick up a more suitable relish for my hamburger. Meanwhile, I had ground beef sizzling on the grill, it's juices sizzling a warm, sincere, "We shall wait here for you, forever and always." My heart was touched and my taste buds whetted so I quickly said my goodbyes to the sweet sizzling bubbles of fat and grease, said a prayer to ensure a safe sojourn and return and off I went on my recumbent bicycle, careening down the longest, most steep hill in my neighborhood toward that bloated yellow giant so removed from everything, so sad and melancholy in the vacuous space it occupies millions of miles away, though I am sure it finds some satisfaction in keeping all the beautiful people down here warm and cozy in his smoldering, exploding arms of affection.
I would liken the sun to a long-estranged uncle who probably is living somewhere in Croatia right now-maybe some downtrodden locale in Siberia yet still holds you in high regards and keeps your memory alive in dreams and sends you a warm blanket for Christmas for those nights you come home from bobsledding with the woman you think you may be in love with but you're too self-conscious and self-doubting to act on any inkling of romance you have and you're soaked in melted snow and suicidal thoughts but you come home to this large, warm blanket your uncle sent to you somewhere probably in Croatia or Siberia. Maybe somewhere in Uganda. Your never knew your uncle to be all-there now, did you?
Anyhow, I continue down this hill on my recumbent bike. I see the usual goings-on to placate my routine and sense of normalcy: children just out of school holding their mother's hand while they walk to the front door of their house, old men walking the dog, old women power-walking in exercise gear that's all-too-characteristic of a Hefty trash bag, robberies, children on their bmx bikes, planes crashing, the resident crazy who stops every child walking with their parent to tell them how he used to be when he was their age and warning them that they'd better be grateful and foster a good relationship with their parents so they don't drop out and sell drugs and kiss girls and get them pregnant and so on.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was terribly xenophobic and, like the narrow, focused consciousness of an army of ants, I was largely perturbed by any disturbance in my minutiae so these common sights were like a breath of fresh air I never paid any particular mind to.
Finally, after a very short ride but a long, detailed tangent of narration, I arrive at the grocery store to pick up the relish I had come to the store for. Upon scouring all the aisle numbers to see which aisle played host to my relish, I finally happened upon the sign reading, "Condiments." Unabashed in my splendor, I skip in jubilee through almost the entirety of the aisle until I come upon where the relish usually sits. Oh god, oh no. It seems like they're out. I went through all the trouble of typing up this story about shopping for relish and they're out? Luckily I have the good sense and just the right amount of social skills to muster up the words, "Uhhhhhhhhh, relish? Um, where the one? Vlasic." Puzzled at my messy ejaculation of language though still understanding of what I was trying my damndest to ask, the associate shows me where the relish is. Ecstatic, I pick up a bottle and I am no longer walking through an aisle but on a catwalk. Customers surround me, cheering, taking my picture, hollering, showering me with Oohs and Aahs until I am drenched in vain satisfaction. I am glowing and the audience duly notes it as they all enshrine me in idolatry. I strut to the end of the modeling platform and make my way to the self-checkout, justifying using this solitary means of purchase by deeming the lowly clerks unworthy of even being in my vicinity, and I fish out my wallet from my pocket perched atop my perfect, shapely ass. I open it to discover that I left my money at home.
Ashamed at my ignorance, I travel home. Upon doing so I discover my house aflame. I free my genitals from their denim entrapment and urinate all over myself and dash like a madman into the flaming house. I hear the faint yelps of the sizzling hamburger. "Hark! I have come back for thee. Though I return as a man without relish, I come as a man, nay, a hero, come to claim his just desserts (or lunches lol xD)."
I reach my hands over to save the sizzling burger when the roof of my fiery home collapses on me and charbroils my skin and sizzles my eyes. I lay here alone in the hospital recounting the tale.
I hope you all take from this story as much as I got out of the experience. Please learn from my mistakes and ensure a better, brighter future for our children. I cannot do it without you, every cent counts. Thank you for your patience. Together, we can work toward a better America for you, for me. For America.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, it's christmas alright. All the ... special guys have nothing else to do but post their crap here ... just like me!

4:11 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Why would you leave your house with a burget on the grill? I don't understand.

4:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Burger man, you need to either practice conciseness:

''I smoked lots of crack, pissed on myself and burnt my house down''.

Or fuck off and start your own blog.

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man. You never leave food on when you run to the store. Only if its like, a slow cooker or something.
You're a damn fool. You are a pretty decent writer though. Whenever I write it sounds like some asshole spouting profanities for some reason go fuck yourself.

ALL relish is bad; it serves you right, dickface.

3:01 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I wouldn't even leave a slow cooker on. There's just too many variables, to many chance incidents which might occur and cause disaster.

5:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

اليوم السابع | تحميل البالتوك | تحميل ادوب فلاش ريدر | تحميل برنامج فتح أكثر من ياهو | تحميل برنامج فتح أكثر من ماسينجر

12:06 AM  

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